Grade school was for me, more or less an awesome
experience. I had a core group of
friends that I hung with, I never got bullied, and school work was a non-issue
for me. I never struggled, I was never
particularly challenged, and I more or less never got in trouble.
I can still remember that cold day on the playground. Myself and my four solid friends wandering
around aimlessly shooting the shit whilst on recess. This was the time in grade school, around the
fourth or fifth grade, when cursing was all the rage and girls were still more
or less gross, but looking a bit better every day. We knew we could say fuck and shit and
cocksucker with no repercussions, no reprimands as long as we were careful and
we did so with reckless abandon. Our
minuscule worlds were slowly opening up, the tiny microcosm that had been our
lives up until that point would be peppered here and there with cultural
references from the larger, more foreign world at large. On this particular day it was movies,
specifically horror.
I have always loved horror movies, a good scare. I can thank my father for this. After the divorce I guess he became the fun
parent, while my mother became the bitch.
The woman, now looking back, who had her life destroyed by my dad’s
infidelity, the lying and the cheating.
She was and still is a woman of God, and when she married my father and
said until death do us part she fucking meant it. My dad did not. So it came as no surprise that when
everything came asunder she was emotional and mentally destroyed, a shell of
her once fun loving self. She was now
moody, angry, bitter. She did her best
raising us, but it was definitely a time of high control and low warmth. She was just a very unhappy and lost woman.
But while on recess the topic of movies came up. Now, when I was with my mom, we were not
allowed to say Gods name in vain and shit like that, or watch anything that was
deemed inappropriate. This meant that
while with mom we more or less just did not watch movies. Not so with my dad. My father would let us watch whatever we
wanted, and it was awesome. Because of
this, I had some serious horror titles under my belt at this tender young age
and one of the better versed to handle the days particular topic of gory movies
while on recess.
And then Eric brings up the Exorcist. How it is supposed to be the scariest, most
violent movie of all time. How the Devil
is in it and any one that watches it could be put at risk of possession. I was completely taken aback. I had never heard of such a movie before and
was immediately intrigued. I knew I had
to see it. It just sounded to fucking
awesome to be true.
And then my time came.
After Dad picked me, Iris and lil bro Luke up we stopped by Hollywood
video before heading to the house. Now,
Hollywood video was, besides Walmart, a sort of Mecca for the Saucedas. At this time Dad had just moved in with Cathy
out in the country and with no one around there really was not much to do. So
what we did do was, in this order, watch television, watch movies, play outside
and go to Wal-Mart to walk around. Those
were the days.
So were perusing the video store, checking out all the
titles, when I walk up to my dad and casually engage him in fourth grade
conversation. I was so smooth. I ask how his day was, what’s for dinner, you
know, just making some nice chit chat before I drop the bomb on him. The moment feels right so I ask, dad, can we
get the Exorcist tonight? He stops, and
slowly turns to me. We look into each
other’s eyes, definitely having a father and son moment. And then he speaks. And at this point I am totally expecting to
be shot down, for him to be a father and say no way José, your much, much too
young for that filth. But instead he
asks, are you sure you can handle it, it’s a really scary movie Nicholas? And I was like fuck yeah I can dad, I am
almost in Junior high, or some shit like that.
And he says OK and checks it out for us.
And I am totally elated on the drive home. One, because Cathy was working that night and
we wouldn’t have to be walking on egg shells, it would be just us as a family,
how it should and always have been. We eat some dinner and then make our way to
the family room. Also, again it should
be noted our perspective ages and the impact that this movie probably had on
all of our psyche’s. I was no more than
a fifth grader, so Iris and lil bro Luke were even younger and frankly had no
idea what the fuck was coming.
Dad pops the DVD in and it begins. I wish I could say that I tried to be tough,
had no problems making it through, persevered and was the rock of the family
that night. I wasn’t. The movie scared the absolute shit out of
me. Disgusted me. It freaked me the fuck out and mind fucked me
at the same time. I had no idea cinema
could be so brutal, so raw. And to top
it all off, before the movie started dad said that this was all based on a true
story. And being a ‘devout’ Catholic
while with our mother this freaked us out even more. Iris covered her eyes during most of it, and
I believe lil bro Luke cried, just a bit.
But he was always crying. I cried
too.
And then it ended.
And we sat in stunned silence, defeated and deflated from the emotional
rollercoaster we were just thrust upon.
I was barely old enough to process what had happened, my brain
scrambling to make sense of the horror, the horror. Iris and lil bro Luke both had the thousand
yard stare; both even younger than I, so fucking young.
Dad got up, took out
the DVD, and turned on the cable. It was
well past our bed times and we knew it.
School, and the morning, was fast approaching and we needed to get some
sleep. But tonight, we all knew, sleep
would not come easily.
Like zombies we made our way upstairs to our bedrooms. Iris, being the girl, had a big bed and a
room to herself. Lil bro and I shared
the other room, stacked up in our sweet set-up of bunk beds. This night, however, we all slept together in
Iriss bed. With the lights on and the
sweet glow of a major league baseball game playing quietly on the t.v. We slept together like that for some time.
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